


Colour Coded Capitalists

by Cluedunnit



Category: Clue (1985)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Crack, How Do I Tag, I'm British I'm sorry, M/M, Multi, Sexual References, Swearing, Texting, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:28:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26364955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cluedunnit/pseuds/Cluedunnit
Summary: No murders were committed by these Colour Coded Capitalists on that fateful night instead they just played some poker while Mr Boddy was tied to a chair. Now there's a groupchat and with that comes chaos
Relationships: Mr. Green & Colonel Mustard & Mrs. Peacock & Professor Plum & Miss Scarlet & Mrs. White, Mr. Green & Colonel Mustard & Mrs. Peacock & Professor Plum & Miss Scarlet & Wadsworth & Mrs. White, Mr. Green/Wadsworth, Wadsworth & Yvette (Clue)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 27





	1. Not good got called a hetero

**Author's Note:**

> I really love clue!!! Follow my tumblr cluedunnit for clue stuff!!!

**Monday, 19:00**

**Mr Black added 8 people to hewwo heteros**  
**Mr Black changed 9 people's name**

**Mr Boddy:** Greetings And Salutations Everyone

**~** **5 minutes** **later~**

**Mrs Peacock:** Well someone's got to break the ice, and it might as well be me. It's always difficult when a group of friends, who met under difficult circumstances the first time, to get acquainted and become friendly the next. So I'm perfectly prepared to start the ball rolling. I mean, I hate that this was created, and I can't leave, so I am determined to enjoy myself. So how is everyone?

**Mr Green:** not good got called a hetero

**Ms Scarlet:** Yknow peaCOCK there are plenty of other ways to enjoy yourself

**Mrs Peacock:** Don't be disgusting!

**Professor Plum:** just curious what are those ways ms scarlet do you have a number persay

**Wadsworth:** id a$k the ¢olonel if i were you

**Colonel mustard:** HOW DARE YOU ID NEVER DO ANYTHING TO SHAME MY MOMMY AND DADDY

**Wadsworth:** we've all $een the photograph$ the jig i$ up ¢olonel

**Professor Plum:** why does he type like that

**Wadsworth:** type like what

**Yvette:** wats up fidget spinners

**Mrs White:** Oh my yvette has to die

**Ms Scarlet:** R I P it was so randy knowing her

**Yvette:** :(

**Wadsworth:** Mr$ White murder i$ bad

**Mrs White:** Ok fidget spinner

**Wadsworth:** a¢tually on $e¢ond thought

**Professor Plum:** guys perhaps let's not talk about killing each other

**Mrs Peacock:** Normally I'd say they shouldn't be, but they're bonding leave them alone!

**Mr Green:** i love my dysfuntional family and our terrible parents!!!

**Ms Scarlet:** I am almost too scared to ask but who are the parents

**Mr Green:** well mrs peacock is our workaholic alcoholic mother and prof plum is our creepy uncle

**Mr Boddy:** Funny How I Made This Groupchat But Now I Regret It

**Professor Plum:** im not that creepy am i

**Wadsworth:** do you hone$tly want the an$wer to that

**Professor Plum:** .....  
**Professor Plum:** ......  
**Professor Plum:** no

**Wadsworth:** weak

**Mr Green:** you get an a in your endeavour however!

**Colonel Mustard:** andeavour??? Endeavoura???

**Wadsworth:** *facepalm*

**Yvette:** moovinng on wats the hot goss

**Professor Plum:** Two trucks

**Colonel Mustard:** what???

**Mrs White:** Please don't encourage him

**Professor Plum:** two trucks having sex two trucks having sex my muscles my muscles involuntarily flex two trucks having sex  
two trucks having sex my muscles my muscles involuntarily flex

**Yvette:** ms scarlet sil vous plaît don't join in

**Mr Green:** y would Sue

**Mrs White:** sue

**Ms Scarlet:** Two pickup trucks Making love American made Built Ford Tough Two beautiful  
Murder machines American angels in the sky  
Grown men cry

**Professor Plum:** two trucks having sex

**Colonel Mustard:** make them stop

**Ms Scarlet:** oh yes

**Professor Plum:** two trucks having sex

**Ms Scarlet:** oh yes

**Mrs Peacock:** Please, stop!

**Professor Plum:** my muscles

**Ms Scarlet:** UH

**Professor Plum:** my muscles

**Ms Scarlet:** UH

**Yvette:** ms scarlet pls

**Mrs White:** Oh god

**Professor Plum:** involuntarily flex

**Ms Scarlet:** HUH

**Professor Plum:** two trucks having sex

**Ms Scarlet:** oh yes

**Professor Plum:** two trucks having sex

**Mrs White:** Please

**Ms Scarlet:** oh yes

**Professor Plum:** my muscles

**Mr Boddy:** I Regret This Chat So Much

**Ms Scarlet:** UH

**Professor Plum:** my muscles

**Ms Scarlet:** UH

**Mrs Peacock:** Why???

**Professor Plum:** involuntarily flex

**Ms Scarlet:** HA

**Mr Green:** GOODDAY PROFESSOR PLUM

**Wadsworth:** GOODDAY M$ $CARLET

**Mr Green:** <3

**Wadsworth:** <3 ily

**Wadsworth has muted everyone on the server for 3 hours**   
**Reason: no hell $ong**


	2. No wonky face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is a disaster bi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God forgive me

**Tuesday, 06:00**

**Hewwo heteros**

**Mr Green:** good morning everyone

**Mrs Peacock:** Good morning!

**Professor Plum:** we found our early birds

**Wadsworth:** you're telling me  
 **Wadsworth:** i don't understand it he$ $o awake

**Mr Green:** sorry cutiepie

**Wadsworth:** Ew

**Mr Green:** sorrmy ill think of a beter one than cutiepie you're my angeldust holdnon that's a drug

**Professor Plum:** sorrmy beter holdnon

**Mr Green:** y

**Professor Plum:** trying to find my will to live this morning

**Wadsworth:** go have $ome ¢offee that'll do it

**Mr Green:** ooh!! i got one!!

**Wadsworth:** what is it dear

**Mr Green:** love of my life!

**~10 minutes later~**

**Professor Plum:** what happened

**Mr Green:** he thrrew his phone

**Colonel Mustard:** why

**Professor Plum:** oh youre awake

**Colonel Mustard:** i have a job you know

**Professor Plum:** surprisingly

**Colonel Mustard:** why i oughta

**Professor Plum:** he threw his phone because he's a disaster bi

**Wadsworth:** am not

**Professor Plum:** are to

**Wadsworth:** am not

**Professor Plum:** are to

**Wadsworth:** am not

**Professor Plum:** are to

**Colonel Mustard:** uh hello

**Wadsworth:** am not

**Professor Plum:** are to

**Wadsworth:** am not

**Professor Plum:** are to

**Mrs Peacock:** Boys, please.

**Mr Green:** were all disaster bis

**Professor Plum:** half of us aren't even up

**Wadsworth:** sleepy bi$

**Professor Plum:** i wonder what it's like not to have a job that makes you wake up this early

**Mr Green:** it's not that early

**Wadsworth:** $ay$ you

**Mr Green:** it's not!!

**Professor Plum:** trouble in paradise huh ;)

**Wadsworth** : no wonky fa¢e

**Professor Plum:** wonky

**Wadsworth has muted everyone on the server for 3 hours**   
**Reason: no winky fa¢e**

**Tuesday, 09:30**   
**Hewwo heteros**

**Mr Boddy:** Yvette Where The Fuck Are You

**Yvette:** oh dear désolé désolé désolé im on my way

**Wadsworth:** oh yvette

 **Professor Plum:** guess who's slacking

**Wadsworth:** you and me

**Professor Plum:** well done you get a cookie   
**Professor Plum:** god family planning is boring

**Wadsworth:** tell me about it   
**Wadsworth:** i wanna do field work badly

**Professor Plum:** oh fuck my boss

**Wadsworth:** rip  
 **Wadsworth:** I'm alone now  
 **Wadsworth:** I $ee u mr$ white

**Mrs White:** No

**Wadsworth:** :(

**Mrs White:** Fine

**Wadsworth:** why do u get up so late do you even work

**Mrs White:** No need to be rude  
 **Mrs White:** If you must know I run a bookstore and I've been awake since 8:30 I just didn't want to deal with this mess

**Wadsworth:** glad you view u$ $o highly

**Mrs White:** Anyway can we change the groupchat name since we all resentment being called hetero

**Wadsworth:** do you have an idea

**Mrs White:** No but @msscarlet will and also she's been up since 9

**Ms Scarlet:** Grass

**Mrs White:** Payback

**Wadsworth:** payback for what

**Ms Scarlet has changed hewwo heteros to assphyxiation**

**Mrs White:** Really Scarlet

**Ms Scarlet:** Yes what else did you expect  
 **Ms Scarlet** : Although if you prefer there's putting the asses in assassination or take me out or take me out or putting the ass in massacre or euthanassia

**Mrs White:** It's shocking what you do with your time

**Wadsworth:** how did you know $he wa$ awake

**Mrs White:** Surprisingly we're friendly

**Wadsworth:** you cho$e her other u$ I'm hurt

**Mrs White:** in dure you are

**Professor Plum:** in dure

**Mrs White:** did you seriously just come online to attack a typo

**Professor Plum:** i just got my phone back its what i came back to

**Wadsworth:** did your bo$$ a¢tually take yñur phone

**Professor Plum:** yes

**Wadsworth** : oh

**Professor Plum:** yeah

  
 **Professor Plum:** i hate my job

**Wadsworth:** who doe$nt

**Mrs White:** me

**Ms Scarlet:** me

**Professor Plum** : oh to have a job you actually like

**Wadsworth:** I like half my job ju$t the fieldwork part

**Ms Scarlet:** Are you even allowed to tell us that

**Wadsworth:** yed

**Professor Plum:** oh

**Ms Scarlet** : Mrs white where's your bookstore I'm bored

**Mrs White:** I'll dm it to you I don't want these creeps finding me

**Wadsworth:** I'm hurt

**Professor Plum:** youll get use to it

**Wadsworth:** no I won't

**Ms Scarlet:** okay I'm going to White's now better not text and drive

**Wadsworth:** bye $¢arlet

**Professor Plum:** i better go and do some actual work

 **Professor Plum:** bye

**Mrs White** : I'm also going to go bye

**Wadsworth:** all around me are familiar fa¢e$

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has an idea what I can call Mrs whites bookshop comment it pls


	3. pwease tell me that I am funnee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mrs White has a crush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is this too ooc Probably  
> I'm sorry 😫😫😫

**Tuesday 09:00**

**Direct messages between flamez - > 1plus2plus1plus1**

**Flamez:** i cant believe you were right

**1plus2plus1plus:** I'm right about a lot of things you'll have to specify

**Flamez:** I cscont believe I have become a schoolchild gossiping about who I "fancy" to another child

**1plus2plus1plus:** KSHAAB so you ARE in love with him

**Flamez:** must you rub it in

**1plus2plus1plus:** hmm Yes

**Flamez:** You are such a child

**1plus2plus1plus:** I thought we both were

**Flamez:** I should block you

**1plus2plus1plus:** you won't

**Flamez:** rereegshha I won't

**1plus2plus1plus:** Now back to the scqandalmongering

**Flamez:** scqandalmongering

**1plus2plus1plus:** acting like plum won't work in your favour

**Flamez:** Where do I begin

**1plus2plus1plus:** At the beginning

**Flamez:** You're not funny

**1plus2plus1plus:** I beg to differ

**Flamez:** Then beg

**1plus2plus1plus:** pwease tell me that I am funnee

**Flamez:** I hate you

**1plus2plus1plus:** No you don't who could?

**Flamez:** Anyway

**1plus2plus1plus:** Anyway?

**Flamez:** I am?

**1plus2plus1plus:** I am?

**Flamez:** Okay this is going nowhere

**1plus2plus1plus:** clearly  
 **1plus2plus1plus:** Call me and Yvette and I will counsel you on your feelings

**Flamez:** Why is yvette there?

**1plus2plus1plus:** Can't I show any hospitality to an old worker of mine?

**Flamez:** okay No need to get defensive

**1plus2plus1plus:** I Wasn't Being Defensive

**Flamez:** sure

**Flamez is calling 1plus2plus1plus**

**Call lasted from 09:10 till 09:25**

**Tuesday, 09:44**

  
**Direct messages between flamez - > 1plus2plus1plus1**

**Flamez:** It's on noose street and it's called you the hanging moons you can't miss it

**1plus2plus1plus1:** Right   
**1plus2plus1plus1:** Do you want coffee

**Flamez:** vanilla frappuccino

**1plus2plus1plus1:** that's not coffee but alright  
 **1plus2plus1plus1:** Bye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what would ms Scarlets coffee be
> 
> Also I know it's a frappuccino but it's not Starbucks because I said so


	4. In conclusion hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> does this need a tw maybe?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead!!!! Bringing this back baybay

**Wednesday, 19:30**   
**assphyxiation**

**Professor Plum:** so i may be

 **Mrs Peacock:** May be what?

 **Professor Plum:** in hospital

 **Mr Boddy:** WAT WHY

 **Professor Plum:** this bloke was forcing this girl to do drugs and i thought id try and make up for my mistakes and i punched him and he pulled a knife

 **Mrs Peacock:** Why didn't you just called the police?!?

 **Professor Plum:** i wanted to save her myself to stone which is stupid i know but the human psyche is strange and i lost myself in my impulsivity

 **Ms Scarlet:** I'd say he's lying but it was actually one of my girls  
 **Ms Scarlet:** and they confirmed his description so

 **Mr Boddy:** Are You Okay?

 **Professor Plum:** im fine just a few broken ribs and he sliced my arm

 **Mr Boddy:** BROKEN RIBNS???

 **Professor Plum:** yeah but I'm fine

 **Mr Boddy:** YOU DONT SOUND IT

 **Wadsworth:** Mr Boddy $ound$ like a $iren rn  
 **Wadsworth:** I'm not joking he'$ going weewoo

 **Yvette:** y is monsieur corps making the noise of siren

 **Ms Scarlet:** monsieur corps

 **Yvette:** la ferme [ shut your mouth according to translate]

 **Ms Scarlet:** Make me

 **Wadsworth:** 👀👀👀👀  
 **Wadsworth:** yvette scroll up

 **Yvette:** non

 **Mr Green:** powr moove

 **Wadsworth:** From a power bottom

 **Yvette:** Je ne suis pas un fond de puissance que vous table en foiré [I am not a power bottom you table fucker]

 **Mr Green:** wat did u call wadsy

 **Ms Scarlet:** That's for the french speakers to know and you to find out

 **Mr Green:** my falt for taking latin I suppose

 **Mrs Peacock:** Have...have we all breezed past Plum in hospital?

 **Ms Scarlet:** eh I'm sure Mr boddy has got it covered if you know what I mean

 **Mrs Peacock:** I don't and I don't think I want to know.

 **Mr Green:** Peacoks punctution hurts me

 **Ms Scarlet:** Just because you can't spell doesn't mean she has to stop

 **Mr Green:** did that sentence even make sense

 **Ms Scarlet:** Eat an arse

 **Mr Green:** Whoms

 **Ms Scarlet:** oh seems I forgot about your arse eating kink

 **Mr Green:** suddenly i am unable to read i dont know who I'm talking to or where i am

 **Ms Scarlet:** Hell

 **Mrs Peacock:** Hell.

 **Mrs White:** hell

 **Wadsworth:** Hell

 **Colonel Mustard:** hell

 **Yvette:** hell

 **Professor Plum:** hell

 **Mr Boddy:** Hell

 **Ms Scarlet:** In conclusion hell

 **Mr Green:** its hell indeed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally had something to say


	5. smhsmtmhfo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is on Wattpad noW even though wattpad sux now it's just easier for my goblin brain

** Wednesday, 23:32 **

**Direct messages between Menneedalittlepractise - >scaredshrink **

**Menneedalittlepractise:** I just wanted to say thank you for stopping that creep

 **scaredshrink:** aw shucks thank you scarlet

 **Menneedalittlepractise:** But also it was stupid and suicidal

 **scaredshrink:** there it is

 **Menneedalittlepractise:** You have a Mr Boddy to date you can't die

 **scaredshrink:** khffhsisfh i- we- were- not-

 **Menneedalittlepractise:** mhm its obvious

 **scaredshrink:** is it

 **Menneedalittlepractise:** Rather

 **scaredshrink:** as obvious as you and yvette

 **Menneedalittlepractise:** bsgsbabSKKAKAJSJAKAJSGA

 **scaredshrink:** scarlet

 **Menneedalittlepractise:** WE'RE NOT

 **scaredshrink:** sure smhsmtmhfo

 **Menneedalittlepractise:** "Shaking my head so much that my head falls off" Don't try and play me

 **scaredshrink:** wow I'm kind of impressed

 **Menneedalittlepractise:** You should always be ❤️

 **scaredshrink:** no

 **Menneedalittlepractise:** is your boytoy with u

 **scaredshrink:** HES NOT MH BOYTOY

 **Menneedalittlepractise:** fine toyboy

 **scaredshrink:** HES NIT MUBTOBY

 **Menneedalittlepractise:** Anyway I thought you were a creep at the party but I guess you're alright truce?

 **scaredshrink:** truce

 **Menneedalittlepractise:** now go talk to your 'friend'

 **scaredshrink:** go and talk to yours

 **Menneedalittlepractise:** I have many friends I don't know who you're on about

 **scaredshrink:** yes you do

 **Menneedalittlepractise:** I don't

 **scaredshrink:** yes you do

 **Menneedalittlepractise:** I don't

 **scaredshrink:** yes you do

 **Menneedalittlepractise:** I don't

 **scaredshrink:** yes you do

 **Menneedalittlepractise:** I don't

 **scaredshrink:** yes you do

 **Menneedalittlepractise:** I don't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> legend has it they're still going on to this day


	6. Then pewish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is now on wattpad!! If you like me find wattpad easier to use  
> https://my.w.tt/tWIiKx9hOcb

**Thursday, 04:00**

**Ms Scarlet:** Hello losers

 **Yvette:** howdy [french swear]

 **Mr Green:** i love both of you hello

 **Wadsworth:** why do i never get greeted like that

 **Mrs Peacock:** Why are you awake at this time?

 **Ms Scarlet:** Late client for one of my girls

 **Mrs Peacock:** Why are you awake then?

 **Ms Scarlet:** I need to collect the money and make sure she gets home safe why are YOU AWAKE

 **Mrs Peacock:** Your notifications woke me up.

 **Mr Green:** you can mute the char u know

 **Mrs Peacock:** You mute the chat!

 **Mr Green:** i hav???

 **Mrs Peacock:** Oh.

 **Wadsworth:** Yvette why are you up

 **Yvette:** mr green!!! wat r u doing??

 **Mr Green:** Yvette!!! smuggling with wadsy

 **Wadsworth:** wow ignored

 **Mrs White:** Stop

 **Mr Green:** stop what

 **Mrs White:** Being so cute

 **Ms Scarlet:** Mrs White being nice never thought I'd see the day

 **Mrs White:** I'm not a goth?? I can be nice

 **Ms Scarlet:** Never said you were a goth checkmate

 **Wadsworth:** Mr$ white i$nt a goth

 **Ms Scarlet:** Yes she is

 **Mr Green:** yes she is

 **Mrs Peacock:** Yes, she is.

 **Yvette:** oui she is

 **Mrs White:** Yes I am

 **Ms Scarlet:** She even admits it!

 **Wadsworth:** well if $he$ a goth you're a Prep

 **Ms Scarlet:** Fuck no  
 **Ms Scarlet:** Fuck you

 **Wadsworth:** that'$ yvette$ job

 **Yvette:** SosjajalaquQUEL

 **Ms Scarlet:** You're going to regret that

 **Professor Plum:** aww is ms scawlet embwassed

 **Colonel Mustard:** it was nice knowing you

 **Wadsworth:** hold on a minute scarlet

 **Ms Scarlet:** Yes?

 **Mr Green:** Please spare my boyfriend from whatever he types next!

 **Wadsworth:** im $orry for $aying yvette$ job i$ fu¢king you it$ ¢learly the rever$e

 **Yvette:** attends une seconde  
 **Yvette:** tes mort

 **Professor Plum:** go frenchie go take his organs steal his teeth!!!!

 **Mrs White:** What the fuck plum

 **Professor Plum:** Im in hospital leave me alone  
 **Professor Plum:** im just tryna have some fun

 **Ms Scarlet:** I'm sure mr boddy has that covered

 **Professor Plum:** FAZFYSHSD YOU

 **Mrs White:** Oh did he die

 **Wadsworth:** you mu$nt $ound $o

 **Mrs white:** and wadsworth too

 **Mr Green:** THATS MY BOYFRIEND BITCH

 **Mrs Peacock:** How did yvette even get Wadsworth?

 **Mr Green:** yvette was styaing roubd Mr boddys to housesit while he sepnds Tim at the hospit and wadsy when to check up n she amabusses him

 **Mrs Peacock:** Appalling grammar and spelling, goodnight.

 **Mr Green:** :(((

 **Mrs White:** it's just us

 **Mr Green:** :)

 **Mrs White:** :)

 **Mr Green:** Hewwo is anybody thewe ???

 **Mrs White:** *cave slowly begins to fill with water*

 **Mr Green:** H-hewwo pwease somebody hewp me H-ewwo!! HEWP ME HEWP

 **Mrs White:** *you can feel the surface of the water lapping at you*

 **Mr Green:** Nononono hewwo!! Hewwo! Hewp me

 **Mrs White:** God wwest youw sowwl

 **Mr Green:** Hewwo! Ma’am why awe you doing this to me Hewwo!! Hewp me pwease PWEASE

 **Mrs White:** *you see obama*

 **Mr Green:** M-mr obwqama is that you Hewwo! Pwease hewp me i seem to be in a wittle bit of twubble mr obama hewwo H-hewwo

 **Mr Green:** Mr Obwama pwease

 **Mr Green:** Pwease Mr Obwama Pwease save me I downt wanna die

 **Mr Green:** H-hewwo mr obwama awe you still thewe

 **Mrs White:** .....

 **Mr Green:** M-mr obwama pwease im drowning H-hewwo im scawed

 **Mr Green:** Ill doing anything fow you mr obama pwease hewp

 **Mrs White:** Anything?

 **Mr Green:** Anything for you mr obama :3 ÚwÙ <3

 **Mrs White:** Then pewish

** Thursday, 07:00 **

**Mrs Peacock:** What the fuck?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The obwama stuff is from Tumblr right like it's discord posts on Tumblr am I remembering that right?
> 
> Idk when the next upload is gonna be cause I have no ideas atm

**Author's Note:**

> What even is ao3


End file.
